dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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