so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
