She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
