Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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