It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
