I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
