Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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