this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
