Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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