gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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