saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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