well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize