Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
