remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
