Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize