he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You made out with two different species that night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
