My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
3 2 1 whiskey
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
