I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
