Already got asked if we're dating
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
