I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
