Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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