Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
