omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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