why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
