Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
