Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
