Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
one might say we're banned from that church
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
True strength comes from lack of pants
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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