I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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