my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
