R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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