I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
