I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
