Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
