I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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