how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
