oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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