Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
