Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
