One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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