look no pants
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
