We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
