Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
