dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
