What a fucking waste of an outfit
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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