Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
