It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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