I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
