Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
