i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
