Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
