my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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