I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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