He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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