I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
