I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Everclear isn't food dammit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story