Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...

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  (202): did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this... http://tfl.nu/5zp7
  Replies (29) Good night (1378) Bad night (5245)
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  (949): View more from California

  im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume

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  (949): im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume http://tfl.nu/ixw0
  Replies (27) Good night (1295) Bad night (4226)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.

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  (973): i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones. http://tfl.nu/f4fy
  Replies (25) Good night (4866) Bad night (810)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl

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  (250): i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl http://tfl.nu/d9d2
  Replies (3) Good night (894) Bad night (2447)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread

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  (615): 6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread http://tfl.nu/f1c5
  Replies (6) Good night (2034) Bad night (1080)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.

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  (816): If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing. http://tfl.nu/vitq
  Replies (3) Good night (1265) Bad night (1240)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.

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  (601): No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911. http://tfl.nu/s9ui
  Replies (8) Good night (1776) Bad night (650)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.

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  (586): In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies. http://tfl.nu/9bz2
  Replies (4) Good night (996) Bad night (608)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it

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  (847): Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it http://tfl.nu/xf5x
  Replies (2) Good night (488) Bad night (674)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.

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  (+61): I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis. http://tfl.nu/imc2
  Replies (7) Good night (1290) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.

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  (561): I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face. http://tfl.nu/v359
  Replies (6) Good night (423) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.

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  (956): Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair. http://tfl.nu/7p18
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (343)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.

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  (814): i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy. http://tfl.nu/h82b
  Replies (0) Good night (442) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now

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  (803): It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now http://tfl.nu/rhf3
  Replies (0) Good night (602) Bad night (287)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.

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  (440): You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex. http://tfl.nu/jc9e
  Replies (3) Good night (570) Bad night (188)

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