i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.