Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow