I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital