I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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