I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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