Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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