I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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