the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
