I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
