Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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