Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
True strength comes from lack of pants
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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