it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
