i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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