i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
