there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
