i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.