How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
