u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
