When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
